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Poetree by incense-whiskers


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Submitted on
February 25, 2013
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I inhale smoke and dirty thoughts

(sleeping with a waste-of-calories
with no sex appeal. her heart
doesn't beat
 the volume of
smell increases as it's
getting hotter than a
 fever heat
 I don't mind her
cold hands around my --
 burned out lights form a
silhouette; film this on
screen like a dream
you can watch or hear.
but she doesn't scream;  
her bones suffocate me
as she's wrapped around
my body -
she's stiff, cold, dry.
sleeping with a waste-of-calories
with no sex appeal. her heart
doesn't beat. )

Until I can't breathe.
I thank Betty Blowtorch for the inspiration to write this. [link]

Edit: First ever DLD! Thank you all for your support. :heart:
Edit: Wow, first ever Daily Deviation... Thank you so much for ~panicphotoofyou & ^NicSwaner for featuring my piece. You both made my day! Wow, this is unbelievable...

(took off mature content warning...not sure if it needs it? If it does then tell me and I'll put it back)
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-04-13
Part-Time Hooker by ~slowslicksnails had the suggester saying: It's like thoughts, the poem can be interpreted in so many different ways which makes it even better. ( Suggested by panicphotoofyou and Featured by Nichrysalis )
:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
ohmy i love this - 
beautiful structure. i'mgonnahavetostealitsoon i really love how it's one sentence but with parenthesis and how you repeat the first part of the parenthesis. 
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:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by =DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here: dailylitdeviations.deviantart.… Congratulations on your DD!

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
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:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You had me at line one.
Then each line dragged me further into this trance as I kept reading. I think you really should have more confidence in this piece: It's written in such a fresh, engaging way! I definitely enjoyed the read! I'm sorry my comments always seem to be inadequate, but I really do love all of your pieces! :heart:

My favorite line was: "sleeping with a waste-of-calories." just genius! :huggle:

( I wouldn't worry about the mature content. It definitely seems tame enough that I don't think it needs a warning. also, I'm so glad you got a DD. I'll keep an eye open for other pieces of yours ;) )
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:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2013  Student Writer

Awww.
Your comments are never inadequate! They always mean so much to me - don't worry about that. I feel like my replies are inadequate, haha.
Thank you a ton for the compliments and favorite on this and everything. I'm so glad you really liked this piece. :heart:

( I'm glad it doesn't need it - I didn't really think it did although it's suggestive, but it's so ambigious that I didn't think it would matter. Thank you so much, again! D'aww, you. Well, I'll be doing the same. ;) )

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:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so very relieved! :tighthug: Your replies are always just lovely, too, so don't worry about it~

You're most welcome! As I said: I enjoy your pieces. Commenting and such is the least I can do to show my love and support!

(If you get me before I get you, you really are going to die :evileye:
Well it's a race then! Ready, set, go!
:giggle: but we still have 4 months for you, and 6 for me :XD: I wonder if I'm going to win?)
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:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2013  Student Writer
I'm glad to hear that! :heart:

Well, thank you so much again! :glomp:

(LOL
Races! Woo! I usually lose in them. :saddummy:
Hmm, I dunno! :dummy: )
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:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're most welcome!! :heart: :heart:

I really do look forward to seeing who will win. :XD:
Also thanks for the chat today: It was lovely. That's the most I've talked all summer, I think :giggle::iconsquishhugplz:.
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:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Student Writer
lol me too :XD: 
d'aww you're welcome! it was fun! :tighthug: 

YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST DID

I WROTE A PERSONAL POEM THAT'S WHAT

I DON'T KNOW D:
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:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
(late) congratulations on your DD, dear, you really did it :squee:

i really like the use of "sleeping with a waste-of-calories", i know it's my own perception making it this way but it makes it feel even sadder to me-- like a cheap girl with an eating problem. all around, this is beautiful, and your unique phrasing and thought process make this exquisite :heart:
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:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner May 27, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much! I was really surprised this piece got a DD, but I'm really grateful for it.

Huh, I never looked at it that way! That's for the additional insight on my piece and thank you so much for the lovely compliments! :heart:
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