Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
I inhale smoke and dirty thoughts

(sleeping with a waste-of-calories
with no sex appeal. her heart
doesn't beat
 the volume of
smell increases as it's
getting hotter than a
 fever heat
 I don't mind her
cold hands around my --
 burned out lights form a
silhouette; film this on
screen like a dream
you can watch or hear.
but she doesn't scream;  
her bones suffocate me
as she's wrapped around
my body -
she's stiff, cold, dry.
sleeping with a waste-of-calories
with no sex appeal. her heart
doesn't beat. )

Until I can't breathe.
I thank Betty Blowtorch for the inspiration to write this. [link]

Edit: First ever DLD! Thank you all for your support. :heart:
Edit: Wow, first ever Daily Deviation... Thank you so much for ~panicphotoofyou & ^NicSwaner for featuring my piece. You both made my day! Wow, this is unbelievable...

(took off mature content warning...not sure if it needs it? If it does then tell me and I'll put it back)
Add a Comment:
 

Daily Deviation

Given 2013-04-13
Part-Time Hooker by ~slowslicksnails had the suggester saying: It's like thoughts, the poem can be interpreted in so many different ways which makes it even better. ( Suggested by panicphotoofyou and Featured by Nichrysalis )
:iconchancerox:
chancerox Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
ohmy i love this - 
beautiful structure. i'mgonnahavetostealitsoon i really love how it's one sentence but with parenthesis and how you repeat the first part of the parenthesis. 
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by =DailyLitDeviations in a news article that can be found here: dailylitdeviations.deviantart.… Congratulations on your DD!

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by ing the News Article. Keep writing and keep creating.
Reply
:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You had me at line one.
Then each line dragged me further into this trance as I kept reading. I think you really should have more confidence in this piece: It's written in such a fresh, engaging way! I definitely enjoyed the read! I'm sorry my comments always seem to be inadequate, but I really do love all of your pieces! :heart:

My favorite line was: "sleeping with a waste-of-calories." just genius! :huggle:

( I wouldn't worry about the mature content. It definitely seems tame enough that I don't think it needs a warning. also, I'm so glad you got a DD. I'll keep an eye open for other pieces of yours ;) )
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2013   Writer

Awww.
Your comments are never inadequate! They always mean so much to me - don't worry about that. I feel like my replies are inadequate, haha.
Thank you a ton for the compliments and favorite on this and everything. I'm so glad you really liked this piece. :heart:

( I'm glad it doesn't need it - I didn't really think it did although it's suggestive, but it's so ambigious that I didn't think it would matter. Thank you so much, again! D'aww, you. Well, I'll be doing the same. ;) )

Reply
:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I'm so very relieved! :tighthug: Your replies are always just lovely, too, so don't worry about it~

You're most welcome! As I said: I enjoy your pieces. Commenting and such is the least I can do to show my love and support!

(If you get me before I get you, you really are going to die :evileye:
Well it's a race then! Ready, set, go!
:giggle: but we still have 4 months for you, and 6 for me :XD: I wonder if I'm going to win?)
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2013   Writer
I'm glad to hear that! :heart:

Well, thank you so much again! :glomp:

(LOL
Races! Woo! I usually lose in them. :saddummy:
Hmm, I dunno! :dummy: )
Reply
:iconnullibicity:
Nullibicity Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
You're most welcome!! :heart: :heart:

I really do look forward to seeing who will win. :XD:
Also thanks for the chat today: It was lovely. That's the most I've talked all summer, I think :giggle::iconsquishhugplz:.
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2013   Writer
lol me too :XD: 
d'aww you're welcome! it was fun! :tighthug: 

YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST DID

I WROTE A PERSONAL POEM THAT'S WHAT

I DON'T KNOW D:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
(late) congratulations on your DD, dear, you really did it :squee:

i really like the use of "sleeping with a waste-of-calories", i know it's my own perception making it this way but it makes it feel even sadder to me-- like a cheap girl with an eating problem. all around, this is beautiful, and your unique phrasing and thought process make this exquisite :heart:
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner May 27, 2013   Writer
Thank you so much! I was really surprised this piece got a DD, but I'm really grateful for it.

Huh, I never looked at it that way! That's for the additional insight on my piece and thank you so much for the lovely compliments! :heart:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It's one of your best, but then again, you're very talented ;p

you're welcome :heart:
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner May 27, 2013   Writer
Oh, I feel like I could name one that is much better than this one. ^^; It's my personal opinion, I assume. Thank you so much! :heart: You're talented yourself.
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner May 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I MEANT TO SAY I THINK
oops
i sounded rude
hehsorry

and :shrug: i feel the same about my own, haha. DDs are not a prize so much as a recognition of skill; it is dA's way of telling all the other deviants you are a talented artist.
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner May 27, 2013   Writer
Oh, I totally understood what you meant! No worries! :heart:

I agree with that. It's also a really nice achievement if one aspires to be considered talented, I guess. :nod:
Reply
:iconisischneider:
isischneider Featured By Owner May 21, 2013   Photographer
very cold,although good work.
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2013   Writer
Ah, the style really reminds me of e.e. cummings' work. How there are three poems in one. I like that. The idea and imagery are also very nice-- I never thought I'd say that about a poem featuring hookers, but you know ha. This is really fantastic. Great work!
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2013   Writer
Wow, e.e. Cummings...that's a first and a very high compliment! Thank you so much for your lovely compliments; it means so much. :heart: (and thank you for adding this to your favorites!)
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 2, 2013   Writer
You're quite welcome. I really did enjoy this one. :)
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner May 5, 2013   Writer
Thank you so much again! :)
Reply
:iconschriftsteller:
schriftsteller Featured By Owner May 7, 2013   Writer
Of course. :)
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2013
:worship: Hello! This wonderful piece of yours has been featured here: [link]
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2013   Writer
Thank you so much for the feature!! This means a ton. :)
Reply
:iconjade-pandora:
jade-pandora Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2013
I'm glad I knew about your work to begin with - and you're welcome!
Reply
:icondraganthemighty:
DraganTheMighty Featured By Owner Apr 17, 2013
So Cold.....
Reply
:iconlintu47:
lintu47 Featured By Owner Apr 14, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
    Congrats on the well deserved DD! :dalove:
    Have a nice day! :heart:
Reply
:icongeena12345:
geena12345 Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013
Thats awesome
Reply
:iconstarsieinwonderland:
Starsieinwonderland Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013  Student Artist
WOW!
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013   Writer
Thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:icongertrudeabner:
gertrudeabner Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013
Very nice! I loved it!
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013   Writer
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconzoakothegreat:
ZoakoTHEgreat Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013  Student Writer
Poignant. It saddens me, all the people who
think that all sex is as filthy and empty as this.
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013   Writer
Thank you! It saddens me as well - I just decided to step outside my comfort zone for this piece. :nod:
Reply
:iconaspiringwriteroflove:
Aspiringwriteroflove Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013  Professional Writer
So inspirational, I adore!
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013   Writer
Aww thank you so much!! :heart:
Reply
:iconim-a-little-unwell:
IM-A-LITTLE-UNWELL Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013  Student General Artist
AMAZING.... somehow reminds me of 'cold ethel' by alice cooper.
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013   Writer
Thank you so much! :heart:
Interesting and I can see why you think so!
Reply
:iconim-a-little-unwell:
IM-A-LITTLE-UNWELL Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013  Student General Artist
haha, no problem. im a beginning poet and people like you inspire me so much...
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013   Writer
Awww, I'm happy to hear I inspire you! :heart:
Reply
:icondaghrgenzeen:
Daghrgenzeen Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wonderful! Congrats on the DD!
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013   Writer
Thank you so much! :heart:
Reply
:icondaghrgenzeen:
Daghrgenzeen Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Welcome! :D
Reply
:iconvoldemort325:
voldemort325 Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
very... good... but i agree with ~apple-fresh
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013   Writer
Thank you! :) What interpretation did you get from it, out of curiosity?
Reply
:iconvoldemort325:
voldemort325 Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
just something wierd. it reminded me of my neighbor... not in a good way either
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013   Writer
Oh, interesting...
Reply
:iconvoldemort325:
voldemort325 Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
yeah HE IS GROSS
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013   Writer
Sounds like it. D: I'm sorry!
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!! :iconflyingheartsplz::iconlainloveplz: :iconflyingheartsplz: :clap::clap::clap:
Reply
:iconssensory:
ssensory Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2013   Writer
Awww thank you so much! :love: :heart: :tighthug:
Reply
:iconthegalleryofeve:
TheGalleryOfEve Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconflyingheartsplz::blowkiss::iconflyingheartsplz:
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconssensory: More from ssensory


Featured in Collections

Beautiful Writings by TheGalleryOfEve

Stories and Literature by GoldenJay097


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
February 25, 2013
File Size
784 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
4,565
Favourites
218 (who?)
Comments
245
×