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I've noticed you've gotten a lot of rude comments on here, and I'm sorry for that. You don't deserve those harsh comments.

Now, I'm going to be completely honest here, and I hope you don't find this critique to be offensive...

Anyways, let me debrief my ratings:

Vision: on an imagery note it was okay. I could imagine a scene filled with dialogue and some cut scene pictures of some sort. Now, vision as in how you wanted this piece to be brought out...I'm not exactly sure how you wanted it to be, but again it was okay. (my explanation for that will come later on with my reasons for the rest of the ratings)

Originality: Honestly, I have seen this a lot. The title, the slight cliches in the poem, and the topics. It's overdone and really hard to make it sound original. However, there is still some originality in here - with the way you wrote the topics. The way they are put out is a bit original.

Technique: I like the way you wrote it, I can't explain it that well, but here I go...I like how you go through the topics with a choppy flow (which helps out with everything really keep it choppy - it's a good choppy), and how what the person is saying is different than what they think. It was all a nice touch, and very interesting.

Impact: It honestly didn't have that big of an impact on me - it was ever so slight, but it's hard for poetry to impact me anyways.

Overall: This poem isn't that bad. It isa bit stereotypical, however. It has it's high points (the technique of it and the ending is good even though it is cliche, it really works here) which is good. The best part - this poem is filled with potential. So you did a good job! Keep it up! Happy writing. :)
The Artist thought this was FAIR
49 out of 50 deviants thought this was fair.


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