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Literature Text
Sundays: no one's butterflies are
going to affect the wavelength
of the sun magnifying ants
(nothing will happen anyway).
Rewind, the air wrinkles into
sundays: no one's butterflies are
stuck on weeping quicklime (not yet)
that doesn't hesitate; floor it.
High-pitched tires are slashed by the
hissing water, parked sometime on
sundays: no one's butterflies are
run over by broken sunshine.
One last time to make this right, keep
blinking back - stop flapping its wings
'fore they reek like pelting rain from
sundays: no one's butterflies are...
going to affect the wavelength
of the sun magnifying ants
(nothing will happen anyway).
Rewind, the air wrinkles into
sundays: no one's butterflies are
stuck on weeping quicklime (not yet)
that doesn't hesitate; floor it.
High-pitched tires are slashed by the
hissing water, parked sometime on
sundays: no one's butterflies are
run over by broken sunshine.
One last time to make this right, keep
blinking back - stop flapping its wings
'fore they reek like pelting rain from
sundays: no one's butterflies are...
Literature
Good enough
You’ll never be good enough to beat that person in video games.
Nor that online player who claims they're the best.
You’ll never be good enough to earn that pay raise at work.
Nor become employee of the month.
You’ll never be good enough to be the strongest and smartest in class.
Nor get the best grades.
You’ll never be good enough to be a model.
Nor have the body you've always wanted.
You’ll never be good enough to walk away from that fight.
Nor be able to fight back.
You’ll never be good enough to hold back your emotions.
Nor always be the best friend.
You’ll never be good enough to always do
Literature
Lately...
Lately I've been thinking, if the steps
That I've taken were meaningful at all
I'm not sure if my conscience helps me anymore
Maybe faith is guiding me through this storm
My heart feels like it's being torn
By the one who I've cared about the most
Literature
Golden
Catch you when you fall
Pick you up and stand you tall
Stroke your face down to your chin
Turn that frown into a grin
Wipe away those cruel tears
Fight back against your fears
Hold you to me and claim that right
Turn you away from the dark and into the light
An embrace to sniffle into, a shoulder to cry on
Here's the pair of shoes you never got to try on
Step into them and stay out of the seamy side of life
Away from the trouble, free of the strife
Just turn to me and cry
Turn away from depression and defy
When it all seems too much and you seem too little
When all your dreams become too brittle
I'm here, whether you want me or not
Never go
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tried something other than free verse, it's a Quatern for 
(also tried to tackle the butterfly effect in a way...)
Quatern: 16 lines broken up into 4-line stanzas
Each line eight syllables.
The first line is the refrain. In the second stanza, the refrain appears in the second line; in the third stanza, the third line; in the fourth stanza, the fourth (and final) line.
For critique:
Weak/high points?
What should I work on and how?
Does this form of poetry work for the meaning?
Could you understand the meaning/what meaning did you get?
Is anything off about it?
Orginiality, technique, vision, ect...
(also tried to tackle the butterfly effect in a way...)
Quatern: 16 lines broken up into 4-line stanzas
Each line eight syllables.
The first line is the refrain. In the second stanza, the refrain appears in the second line; in the third stanza, the third line; in the fourth stanza, the fourth (and final) line.
For critique:
Weak/high points?
What should I work on and how?
Does this form of poetry work for the meaning?
Could you understand the meaning/what meaning did you get?
Is anything off about it?
Orginiality, technique, vision, ect...
© 2013 - 2024 nosedivve
Comments180
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactHey there,
Prettyflour here on behalf of <img class="avatar" src="a.deviantart.net/avatars/p/o/p…" alt="
" title="PoeticalCondition" /> with the critique your requested. I'm really enjoying the Quatern. As someone who also usually writes free verse, I know how much of a challenge writing a fixed form can be.
For me, the high point is the first stanza. The words in this stanza are beautiful and begin to tell a story that I find unique and interesting. Low point? For me this was the ending. Although I liked it, the last line left me feeling... like there should be more. That would be the only thing I think you could tweak in order to make this better.
The meaning? I felt it was vague but I get the sense that this is about a 'butterfly effect'
Overall, an enjoyable read with vivid imagery. Great job!